NASH

why am i like this

Saturday, September 13, 2008; Comments

have you asked yourself why you are what you are?

i just thought about it.
why am i working here?
what am i doing here?
what would i want to be ?
what fo i want to achieve?
is it who i am?
is this what i am going to be ?

i dream of a different life.
a life with no worries
wake up man that will never happen. in this world of nothings. this is just a stop over before the real shipment of death comes and everyone gathers together on judgement day.

a stopover seems to be long man. i dont know why are we all tested on earth for. isn't it easier if we were never created and skip tis stopover bullshit. then world will never be destroyed by us and we wont destoy each other.

seem to deep my thoughts went. oh wells. its just the aimless thoughts i have these days. and i have been thinking about it for quite a while. it sound disturbing really. like a suicide note. its not that i don't appreciate life that has been given to me. but life it self is a hard job man. to live day in day out to work and get paid and spent the money on journeys to work by MRT and buses. sigh all the money earn from the hard work 1/3 goes to my mum 1/6 of my pay goes to my savings ( which i dunno what its for anyway if i die tmr i wont get to taste it but others will). seems like i work not for the money but for time to pass and for me to grow older and wiser. my hopes of gaining wise knowledge in life and be rich and healthy and fit and most of all happy.

i'm not feeling happy now. now not even you can make me happy much. i just feel so mundane and its getting bored now life. i am doing the same things if not getting my liciense and try to find a suitable school for myself to get degree on something i might not even like. GAWD DAMN IT!!! i hate typical people and yet i'm part of them!!! i hate my life for what it is. i love the girls and flirting but that thrill last less then a few seconds and sleeping becomes my best friend. days past like no ones business and i'm not making full use of it. its tiring. i wish i could be my old self.

the nash that flatters her ego and have friends from all different courses in TP and smoke at reservoir and skip classes and plays sport and get mad with the other team for playing dirty and rough. i love flirting harmlessly for it makes me happy to know you're happy too. i hate this now. i wish i was schooling forever. minus the exams of course. i wish to see the world and travel back packing i wish you would go with me and not be fussy but spontaneous and happy and adventurous. !

that it! i lost the feeling of adventure in my life
i want it back
i don't care if its traveling adventure
love adventure
or night life adventure!
i want to hurt myself by doing things that can make me feel worst than i ever felt.

i dont want to numb myself anymore. i wanna feel something anything fuck!! pain happy sad high .... lost or wadever you know just not the normal stuff ... its killing me now to know my life is boring.

is your life boring.
?